Sunday, January 31, 2010

Life is lovely, but confusing

So, I mentioned some of my plans for this year, the main ones being: taking some CLEP tests and looking into selling things on

But I find now that I'm in the middle of a continuous loop of possibilities (all contingent on each other) and I don't know what I should do.

First of all I made a list, just to organize the swirl of thoughts going through my head and managed to cross a few decisions off the list -some of the purchasing/expense ones.

I pondered getting a car. I believe I could afford it, and it would occasionally be convenient. However, for the most part, at this point I simply can't justify driving it to work when it's so much more practical and convenient for Dad to drop me off. In short, it's not worth it for the amount I would use it. So, that's out of the picture for now.

My computer's wireless system is screwed up. It's not worth the money to pay to have this one fixed, so that leaves me with the option of finding a refurbished MacBook for $800-some. Once again, I could afford it, but I'm using this with a USB wireless adapter at home and plugging it in at work, so that's an expense that should wait until there's a stronger need for it.

I wanted a newer iPod. It would be cool to have one of the brand-new 5th generation ones with a video camera and FM radio, or one of the refurbished 16G 4th gen. ones from Apple for $119. Tempting. And totally unnecessary. I really don't use my iPod nearly enough to get that. It's almost full, but I did some clearing off and it's got some more space on it now. Anymore I find myself listening to music on or from my iTunes library straight off my computer anyway.

Hmm...I thought I was considering buying more than that. *hops up to grab the list off the desk*

Oh, right, camera lenses. Well, I'm thinking I'll probably go ahead and buy one or two if I can find good deals on eBay. I can't think of any particular reason not too. I want a telephoto lens for sure, and would like to get a nice macro one as well.

So, I disposed of some expenditures and sanctioned others, including my plan to join the YMCA next week. My grandparents are going three times a week because they have a membership that their insurance pays for because it's part of a health program...or something. At any rate, Grandma mentioned that all of this month the Y wasn't charging a joining fee, so if I was interested I should join now. Oh, ok. Multiple times over the past five years or so I've thought it would be nice to join, but didn't have any way to get there, or couldn't afford it. Now I can do both. I can get a ride with my grandparents a couple days a week when I'm not working and go on some evenings and weekends when I can get our car, and it's only $29 a month for membership, and you pay monthly so I could drop it any time if I needed to.
I called over there yesterday to find out if they were extending the time for the special because it was likely they would be closed this weekend because of the snow. The British guy (!!! British? Here? At our end of town? wow) who answered the phone told me that yes, they were extending the special until the 6th because even if they were open they didn't want people rushing out in the snow just to sign up in time. So I'll go over there sometime next week and sign up.

Now to the remaining, (more important) things I'm trying to figure out. Um, life? Yup, that about sums it up. Trying to figure out life. Having a mild case of the "what am I going to do with my life?" syndrome that most people my age have. :) Mine's rather complicated by too many "if"s though.

Obviously, my main desire is to get married and be a wife and mother. However, at the moment that's not, shall we say, looking like it's going to happen in the near future. So that's in the background, that's my main goal, whereas other people are simply heading for their chosen career. That is my chosen career, but at this point it's not dependent upon me, it's dependent on God's timing for that. the meantime, I need to be continuing with my life, all while keeping in mind that it's entirely possible for something (or someone, rather) to show up out of the blue and turn my plans upside down. Which, of course, I would be pretty happy about in the long run. :D

At the moment I have a job, but I'm not entirely sure how long it will last. Another year at least, but after that I can't be sure. I wanted to take some CLEP tests, originally thinking it would be good to have some credits so that if at some point I needed to be certified in order to homeschool I would be on my way to accomplishing that. But now I'm not sure. What classes should I CLEP out of, and which should I consider actually taking (in the future)? I don't really have time in my schedule right now to be able to take classes, but if I finish this job, I would be free to take classes, possibly classes fitting me for another job. So that's something I need to think about.

I would also be without an income at that point and needing to pay for school. So both in order to save more money for the future, and also to use my free time doing something profitable, I'm trying to figure out if there's a way I could make a little more money, but with some sort of job that I can do from home and that is flexible. I was originally thinking that I would look into selling things on Etsy...stuff like photo note cards. But I have looked into that, and I'm just not sure yet that it's possible to really make much money off of that, unless you put a LOT of work into it. So I'm trying to think of what else there is that can be done from home, but that doesn't have strict deadlines or anything, because I'd have to do it around my main (albeit, part-time) job.

In regard to the plans being turned upside down at any moment, I realized I have things I should get done while I have time. Just little things. Arranging a cookbook, sewing napkins, researching sewing machines so I have my own when I move out. Silly little things like that, but things I would prefer to have done before getting married, because it would all pile up, along with so many other things that would have to be done. So, that's something I definitely want to keep working on, aside from whatever else I decide to do.

So I'm left with trying to figure out:

Now: which CLEP tests to take
Now: what other work to be doing (suggestion would be welcome if anyone knows of something I haven't thought of)
Future: school
Future: future job

But they're all kind of dependent on each other, see? :P

The one thing I do know is that I'm going to pray about this, and whatever I end up doing, I want to follow the Lord's leading, and also show that to others I come in contact with. I've made so many plans over the years that have either not worked out, or not worked exactly the way I would have thought, or expected, but looking back I can see how they all went exactly as they should have. :) Either there were things that were not right for me, so they didn't happen, or there were things that did happen but are now past, and I've learned from them.

From a human standpoint, I don't like it when plans don't work out. I don't want to be a failure. I want to carry through with what I've said I would do, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Also from a human standpoint I really wish right now that I knew what was going to happen because it would make my planning so much easier. But...I don't. And I'd better learn now to trust what God has planned for me and to follow only as far as I can see and quit worrying about the rest, because that's certainly never going to stop, no matter what happens. I'm not suddenly going to know the future! :)

So, that's what I'm dealing with right now. In between coughing. I caught a cold from my brother and it seems to have settled in my chest, so right now I am coughing excessively and trying to get rid of this blasted cold. Oh, it also snowed last night and today. :) It's very white and fluffy and pretty outside, but I think I shall stay in, since I don't want to turn this cough into....I don't know what.

In short, life is lovely, but very confusing sometimes.


Rachael said...

Oh, Natalie! I can definitely empathize.

We should sell crafts together...somewhere. :) I've looked at using Etsy too, with the same conclusion.

Lauren said...

Hey, I totally agree, Life is so confusing. I think joining the Y would be great though. Exercising really does help me just stay sane (when I do exercise haha).

Lauren Burke said...

Oh my dear--I love you!
It's a little disturbing how much of your post was directly applicable to me. Today I'm going to get a ride to the bank to get a debit card (that will hopefully fill the qualifications of a "credit card" on etsy; I can't get an actual credit card because I don't have a job right now; catch-22!) so that I can start trying to sell things there since I have nothing but time at this point in life. We'll see how that goes. I'm trying to figure out how to get some of my photos blown up so that I can sell them to a friend; I got a dummy of a children's picture book done, but I want to redo it in the industry standard size before I submit it; I am muddling around with a non-fiction book for Chistian girls I wrote for school last year; and I'm trying to stay out of the way as my family is preparing to move into my grandparents' house now that we've signed for it. But mostly it's me just trying to learn patience and contentment with not being in control of life. :) I'm glad to hear what you're up to and I'll be praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear Lord - the answer is so obvious! Get out of the house, get out from under your smothering parents, and get a life! You can still be a Christian and be directly involved with the public. Go to FTCC. I am praying for you and hope you can break free from the lonely life your parents have inflicted upon you in the name of homeschooling you to protect you from the world.