Can life BE more conflicting?

It's amazing how being happy about something can lead immediately to being discontent about something else. Inevitable, I suppose, but one of those things that makes you sigh.

I went to church with some friends last Sunday and it was fun. The sermon was alright, although very short, partially because the guy speaking apparently lost his place in his notes at some point. The music was good (I do miss being able to sing very loudly). I love to sing loudly and at our church there are only about two people who sing loudly, both of them much better than I do, so I lower my volume. So that was good, and I enjoyed being with my friends. Apart from that though, I missed our church.

I wish our church had more people, but I don't like huge churches where you don't even know everyone. My friends were looking through the new church directory and saying things like "Oh, those people are married?" and such.

I don't like youth groups, college groups, age-segregated Bible studies, and things like that. I think having everyone divided up and only around their peers is not following the Titus 2 commandments that the older men and women encourage and teach the younger. Talking to your peers can be encouraging of course, but if that's mostly all you get you're only going to be bouncing ideas and opinions off of each other with no other wiser perspective to think about.

I read this article on Boundless this week, and I completely agree with it. Quarantining a Generation

On the other hand, it made me wish I had my own apartment so I could have groups of my friends (of all ages) over. Have people over for game nights, or open houses, or whatever. Our house is rather small though, and I wouldn't want to impose on my parents with my extroversion.

Speaking of which, my mom said I'm a "single extrovert". She has a very good point. Technically, I'm introverted. I don't usually talk a lot, I'm not a high-energy person, after hanging out with people and talking for a long time I usually need quiet and time to recharge without anyone bothering me, etc. On the other hand, if I feel blah, it helps for me to talk to my friends. I enjoy being with people until I'm tired, it makes me happy. "But," said Mom, "if you had a husband you would..." "I'd just talk to him of course," I interrupted. And she's got a point. If I was married I'd have my best friend to talk to at almost any time and that would probably be enough most of the time. So...I am a single extrovert.

But anyway, as I was saying, I started wishing I had my own apartment. With one or two roommates of course, though I don't think I know anyone needing an apartment who would make a good roommate for me. Plus, I don't make enough to afford 1/2 or 1/3 of the rent of an apartment. Or rather, I do, but that's just about all. I don't make enough to afford the car that I would have to have, my share of the utilities, groceries, etc. I already buy my own clothes and toiletries, but groceries aren't cheap, and neither is a car and all the stuff that goes with it. So I would have to get a different or a second job and would be working a lot.

I didn't even know how much rent is for an apartment, so I was looking online to see what there is around here. Lots of apartments, that's what. :D I'd prefer something within fifteen minutes from work, so I ended up looking at the apartment complex my friend Jess lived in before she moved, and the place we lived in before we moved to our house, because those are the only two apartment complexes in Winston that I've actually been inside and know what they're like.

Jess' place was pretty nice (apart from some gosh-awful wallpaper border in the apartment) and fairly expensive too, I find. Granted, in that case you're also paying for a gated apartment complex that apparently is hardly ever actually gated because the gate breaks. Woo-hoo. So, fairly nice, expensive, not really as safe as it's supposed to be.

Then the place we used to live in is okay and cheaper. It's definitely older, and there was some reason my parents got fed up with the management, but it's a decent price, and pretty good apartments, safe neighborhood and all. Though you're likely to get sap on your car from all the pine trees...unless they've all fallen down since when we were there. :D

But as I thought, I couldn't afford to live in either of those places, without all the extra work that I mentioned. Oh well, I have an idea of what apartments cost now at any rate.

My point however, which I think I've lost track of, is that I was feeling happy about our church, and I'm looking forward to going there this week, but in wanting to get together with the people in my church I started feeling discontented about where I live. We just never can be content, can we? :(